You Are (Still) Insane
by AmyBot3000
Summary: Sequel to You Are Insane. Follows Gail and Holly's off screen (and on screen) interaction throughout season five.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: Hello, welcome back to anyone who's read You Are Insane. If you haven't read it, but you're familiar with the Gail/Holly story you'll be just fine... But like, totally read it, because I was really proud of it, kay? I started writing this back when RB was airing, but then Gail/Holly went weird and I sort of lost the feeling. Also, special thanks to Tofu9162, I went for the brackets.

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><p>If there's something Gail Peck has learnt in the past 24 hours it's that life can throw you curveball after curveball, but each time one goes rocketing past it's still unexpected. The cold metal of the hospital vending machine presses against her forehead and she lets out a sigh, because another one of lifes curveballs is throwing her off balance.<p>

The machine ate her quarter.

She would laugh, and thinks maybe she should, because losing a quarter to a machine should not be causing what feels like the beginnings of a mental breakdown. All she wanted was one coffee and one tea. Now, thanks to the missing quarter, she needs to choose between a coffee for herself or a tea for Holly and really, when would that _ever_ have been a difficult decision before. It's the before that's throwing her off, before she would have brought the coffee, gone back to Holly and told her even the machines are against dirty hot leaf water. This is after the before though, this is the now, where Holly is aware of her feelings and she's aware of Holly's, and now she needs to stop being so much like herself whilst at the same time being herself.

Gail closes her eyes. The beginnings of a headache is pulling at her temples, because she can't even begin to try and solve the mystery of how much of herself to maintain and how much to change to be the person Holly deserves tonight.

She lets out a sigh and pushes the button at the bottom of the list marked tea.

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><p>"Hey," Holly takes the hot polystyrene cup out of her hands. "I thought you were getting a coffee?"<p>

"Yeah, well, apparently having a killer after us wasn't enough for the universe, it had to turn the machines against us as well." She's well aware that she's pouting when she sits back into the plastic chair next to Holly.

"What?"

"Nothing, no news?"

"No, there's nothing on any of them yet. Your brother keeps looking at me funny though." The brunette nods towards where Steve's standing in the corner of the room, looking anywhere but where the two of them are sitting, and Gail feels a sudden panic in her stomach.

"Funny? Funny how? Funny as in who are you or funny as in are you sleeping with my sister?" Holly lurches forwards, coughing on the tea she had been swallowing.

"Gail!" Holly wipes her hand across her mouth and Gail finds herself relaxing when dark eyes look into hers, a few strands of hair falling loose across her face. Without thinking she raises a hand and pushes the strands back behind her ear, her thumb dragging across the brunettes cheek. The clench of her stomach when Holly closes her eyes and leans into the touch is unexpected, but she likes it and can't help stroking her thumb across the soft skin again.

A cold blast of night air from the opening hospital doors breaks her attention and she pulls her hand away from Holly's cheek. She casts her eyes feverishly around the room to see if anyone noticed the moment they had just shared. The only person she sees is Steve staring straight at her.

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><p>"So, you and the mortuary girl then." Gail almost drops the quarter on the ground. She doesn't turn to face her brother, instead she quickly pushes the money into the coin slot before some other catastrophe keeps her away from the coffee she knows is stored inside.<p>

"Her name's Holly." She pushes the coffee button and hears the machine start whirling, she's not sure how she restrains herself from fist pumping when  
>the liquid starts pouring into the cup.<p>

"Yeah, I know, Holly, Dr Ho-lly Stew-ar-t," he over pronunciates each part of her name and leans on the machine so he can see her. "She suits you."

"I don't know what you-"

"Gail, are you really going to try this?" His eyebrow quirks up in an entirely _Steve_ kind of way, but all his expression does is rekindle her denial.

"Yes, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Right, so you didn't forfeit a cup of coffee earlier to buy Holly's drink?"

"How did you-"

"Look, shiny badge, has detective on it." He waves his badge in front of her and she fights the urge to take it off him and throw it down the hallway.

"You're an ass, and that is circumstantial at best."

"Then how about," his smile falls, and his eyes suddenly have that odd deep look they get after he's had one too many whiskeys. "How about the fact she made you smile."

"What?"

"When she came in, she didn't even say anything, but she made you smile."

Gail lets out a sigh of defeat, the headache from early is starting to pull at her temples again, so really what choice does she have, but to admit it. "She makes me happy."

"I know, I can tell already." There's a brief silence between them and Gail turns to stand next to Steve, leaning her head back against the machine. "It's ok you know? With me, I'm happy that Holly makes you happy, and that you're happy being happy together."

"Oh God, are we really going to do this? Now?" She turns her head to face him.

"And I know that I'm not au fait with what you're going through exactly." He pauses and his eyes get that deep look again, "But I'll listen if you want to talk or we can just get very drunk together if you don't."

"I don't really know what's going on right now, so maybe the second option."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She looks down when she feels the tears prickling at her eyes.

"Not tonight though kiddo, there's nothing else you can do here, go get changed and head home ok? I'll call you if there's any news." She pushes away from the machine and has starts making her way back to reception when she hears him call out behind her. "Or you know, go to Holly's, braid each others hair, watch some chick flicks or whatever it is you two do when you're alone." She flips him off over her shoulder as she continues walking away.

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><p><strong>AN**: The next chapter picks up straight after this one, should be up some time next week. For my previous story followers things with toast girl have gone south... She's changing jobs and moving, which means we are no more D: She has my contact details now though... So it's up to her (and it makes my heart hurt).


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: I've become slightly obsessed with Hyrule Warriors, and I've started shipping Impa and Zelda, which is new.

Thanks for the reviews, follows and PM's. You're all rather lovely.

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><p>"Hey, we're leaving." Gail doesn't wait for Holly as she strides past her in the waiting room, heading straight for the exit.<p>

The doors open automatically and the cold night air prickles at her face, she doesn't turn to see if the brunette is following her, she just needs out of the building. She's barely made it to the car park when she hears Holly shout out behind her.

"Hey, Gail, wait." She stops to let Holly catch up, taking a sip from the coffee she'd just managed to pry from the machine, it tastes disgusting, but she needs the caffeine boost. "Hey, are you ok?"

"Yeah fine, I just need to get changed and drop the car off at the station. I'll see you at yours." Holly's hand grips onto her arm to stop her walking away.

"Wait, do you want me to come with you?"

"No." She pulls her arm free of Holly's grip and then shuts her eyes at the instant feeling of guilt pooling in her stomach. Shaking her head, she turns back to face her. "Sorry, I didn't-"

"Gail, hey, it's ok, I know." Holly's hands come up to rest on either side of her arms, thumbs rubbing across the fabric of her jacket. "I need to drop the car back off at the lab anyway, I didn't technically _tell_ anyone I was taking one."

Gail doesn't know what else to do other than lean forwards and kiss the brunette. Holly's lips move against hers slowly and she lets out a content sigh when her hands come up to the sides of her face, thumbs stroking against her gently. She's not sure she'll ever get used to how understanding Holly is, how she can just take her sudden mood swings in her stride and she doesn't think she'll ever get used to the feeling of Holly's lips against hers. It's Holly who breaks away first, her hands lowering to root through one of the inside pockets in her coat.

"Just in case I get held up." Gail's eyes widen as she stares at the object between Holly's fingers.

"Are we swapping house keys already? Is this a lesbian thing?" A smile pulls at the corner of Holly's mouth.

"Yeah, you're not keeping it, I'm getting that key back." Gail takes the key from her, smiling at the little zombie keyring hanging from it. "Tonight, so don't even think about trying to keep it."

"Oh, so you don't _trust_ me to have a key to your house? How dare you."

"No, I didn't- that's not-" Gail takes another sip from the coffee in her hand and smiles at Holly, wondering how everything can just feel so _easy_ with her. "Well give me your house key then."

"I don't have a spare on me. Why do you carry a spare key with you anyway?"

"Did I ever tell you about the time my keys fell into a discomposing corpse? Like actually inside the body?" Holly's mouth pulls up into a smile again and Gail can feel her own drop open.

"Oh God, Holly no." She looks at the key in her hand.

"That's the key Gail."

"Why are you keeping this in your coat!" Gail quickly juggles the key in her hand so she's only holding the tip of the key ring.

"If I drop them inside another dead person I need a clean spare."

"No, these can never be clean enough, you're not poor, get another set cut!" Holly just shrugs and she lets out a laugh as she tries to hand the key back to the brunette.

"You have no idea how much trouble I got into. I almost lost my job for 'tampering with evidence'." Holly's hand closes over Gail's shutting her hand around the key. A shudder goes through her and she hopes that the key hasn't really been anywhere near a dead body and that Holly's just making an excuse to cover the real lame, nerdy reason. She smiles as Holly moves closer and starts to slowly lean in again, she can't help breathing in the light smell of cinnamon that clings to brunette even under the heavy scent of the clinical cleaning chemicals from the morgue.

"Gail!" She can literally feel Holly's breath on her lips when Chris' shout causes them both to freeze.

"Great," She turns to face the hospital as he walks over to them, his mouth blowing warm air onto his hands. "Chris, what are you doing out here? Interrupting."

"I need a lift back to the station, mind if I bum a ride."

"If you must peasant, but you're driving, I need to emotionally process." She catches Holly's furrowed brow out the corner of her eye, but chooses to ignore it. "I'll see you later ok."

She places a light peck on her lips and turns to follow Chris to the squad car, not giving her the chance to reply. The bubble that Holly had created around her feels like it's just burst, and she wishes she'd just said yes and let Holly come with her to the station with her.

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><p>"So." Gail rolls her eyes at the sound of Chris' voice, she had been hoping that he wouldn't talk whilst they were driving back. She just wanted to be left alone in the silence to watch the city lights streak past the window, but really, it's Chris, so of course he wants to talk about it.<p>

"A needle, pulling thread." She tries to sound as bored as possible and hopes that Chris will get the hint.

"What?"

"Did you even have a childhood?" Gail looks over at him briefly, but his eyes remain trained on the road.

"Who knows?" She wants to play dumb and say it's his childhood, so obviously him, because she's too tired and sober for this right now.

"Steve knows, so by now everyone." Gail brings a hand up her forehead, massaging at her temples to try and relieve her ever growing headache. "He probably gave a rousing speech to everyone in the waiting room, so yeah, definitely everyone."

"And are you, you know." She sees Chris hand out the corner of her eye scratch at the back of his head. "Gay?"

"I don't know, yes, probably. I haven't really thought about it."

"Oh, it's just you and Holly, you looked like you were-" He clears his throat. "You know, really into, into it back there."

"I am, she's," She looks over to him and tries to find the right word. "She's incredible, I just haven't really thought about the implications of that, you know?"

"I was just wondering about when we were together, did you-" He clears his throat again, and Gail thinks this could be the most awkward and uncomfortable conversation they've ever had. It makes her heart hurt a bit then, to think the last time he was this uncomfortable around her was when they were rookies and he barely knew her. "Did you know then?"

"Chris honestly it's like apples and cheese puffs, I tried the apple, that's you, and it was ok, but Holly's like the cheese puffs, turns out I like them a lot more than apples."

"That oddly makes sense." He sounds proud of himself and she rolls her eyes again.

"Yeah, I know, I dumbed it down for you."

Chris is still smiling when they reach the station and it feels like the balance has been restored between them again. There's only a couple of squad cars left outside, and she notices one of them has a black plastic sheet tapped over the drivers side window. Gail stares at it as they drive past, her heart pounding, the broken window of the car is where her day had started to completely unravel.

She's grateful that Chris doesn't try talking to her again as they walk through the building, she's not sot sure why a sick feeling has settled in her stomach or why her heart feels like it's going to escape from her chest, but she knows she doesn't want to talk about it. Gail freezes when they turn a corner. There's glass on floor.

"Hey Diaz, get over here and play Swarek." Gail doesn't see who's calling out to them, her eyes just stay fixed to the ground and it feels like her whole body has frozen.

"Sure, I'll be right there." She feels rather than sees Chris' hand coming up to touch her arm. "Are you ok?"

"Huh?" The question finally breaks her gaze and she looks up at him. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine, it was just the glass."

"Do you want me to drop you off at Holly's when you're done?" He sounds concerned, and she hates it, she just wants to be left alone.

"No, I'm fine, go pretend to be shot, I'll be fine." She's moving away from him and towards the locker rooms before he has the chance to ask her anything else.

The room is empty and she's glad, because the last thing she wanted was Andy or Chloe interfering and asking her how she was. The rapid beating of her heart suddenly stops and she has to grab onto a locker for support at the change in sensation. Chloe wouldn't be here, possibly not ever again.

Her hands start shaking when she tries to undo the buttons on her shirt, and she has to sit down on the bench to just _breathe,_ because she's seconds away from just ripping the damn thing open.

It was just glass on the floor.

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><p><strong>AN**: Do you like? Do you not like? Do you ship Impa and Zelda?

Also, a life lesson for everyone, if someone gives you their number (say someone like toast girl) and they then put their phone through a washing machine resulting in them getting a new phone and a new number (who even does that!? You can like totally keep your old number), fucking get the new number before they bugger off somewhere that's not where you are...


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: This was originally part of the previous chapter, but I split it into two because YOLO... And it sort of became a lot longer than planned and would have taken an extra week to get up, so there's that as well...

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><p>Gail lets out a sigh and pushes her head against the car seat, her eyes looking up to study the tiny dots perforating the fabric of the roof as she listens to the voices on the radio.<p>

"Well you have to agree Jennifer, there's been a huge failing here, someone was allowed to walk into a police station and start shooting cops. What sort of message is that sending the public? They can't even protect their own house, how are they going to protect our homes? How are they going to protect us on the streets?"

There's a sound of agreement from the female presenter and Gail can feel the anger boiling beneath the surface, because what the hell do they know? They're just tiny overpaid radio presenters tucked up in their safe little building, they're not the ones who have to go out wondering if there's going to be a genuine emergency or a bullet waiting for them.

"I completely agree Dan, this really isn't the publicity any police department wants, so expect them to try and lock the investigation down and keep it as quiet as possible. Of course the bigger question here is, why did it happen? People are going to be asking if this is the result of cuts to the police budget, so it's not just the police department that's going to be under the lens here, it's the local government as well."

"Thanks Dan and Jen, for those of you who have just tuned in, the main story tonight is the shooting at the 15th division police building earlier today. Three officers remain in hospital, two of them still critical, lets head over to Dominic who's at the hospital for the latest-"

Gail reaches out and pushes a button on the car console causing the radio to flick the next station.

"All the things she said, all the things she said, running through my head-" She slams the off button and the car falls into silence.

"What am I even doing?" The question is lost in the quiet of the car and she looks over at Holly's house. The lights are on, so she knows she must have got back before her, but fifteen minutes later and she's still outside listening to late night radio shows and uncomfortably relevant songs. She shakes her head, because seriously what is she even _doing_ outside when she's only a few feet away from the warmth of Holly and her house.

The key Holly gave her is digging into her thigh, so she pulls it out of her pocket and dangles it from her finger. It feels like it should have felt significant when she gave it to her, instead of feeling so nonchalant and incredibly insignificant, which brings her on to whether she _wanted _it to be a significant moment or if she wants everything in their relationship (if that's what this even is) to pass by so easily and without fuss. The conflicting thoughts just add to the confused mess that's in her head, and she desperately doesn't want to process any of it until she's had at least half a bottle of whiskey.

She pushes a button on the side of the keyring and smiles when a robotic sounding "Let me eat your brainz" comes from the tiny speaker on the back of it's head. She wonders what the story behind it is, if there even is one. Or maybe Holly really was telling the truth when she said it fell in a dead person. A wave of guilt pushes up from her stomach then, her head is full of thoughts about a stupid keyring when she should be thinking about her friends in the hospital.

Gail feels like slamming her head against the steering wheel as the distracted thoughts of Holly are quickly replaced by the anger that had been building since seeing the glass at the station. But what is she even doing out here? She takes one final look at the car roof before she opens the door and steps out into the cold night.

There's fresh snow on the ground and she follows in Holly's bigger footprints to the front door, pausing before unlocking it. She tries to push down her anger again and slow down her breathing, because she _knows_ this is not the correct emotional response to seeing some broken glass. Maybe she's just too tired, maybe it's a delayed reaction to being shot at or maybe it's because she had just come out to her brother, either way she's far too sober to be dealing with any of it.

A muffled bang sounds from the other side of the door and she realises Holly must be in the kitchen, her eyes close and she thinks about the brunette. She needs to calm down and not take this out on her, because if things are going to work with Holly she needs to stop being such an ass to her all the time. Right now though she just _needs_ some alcohol to numb out the feelings that keep welling inside her, sorting out her life to become a better person would have to wait until she was sober, or possibly drunk again.

Gail unlocks the door and quickly pockets the key. She ignores Holly as she heads straight to the first kitchen cupboard she sees and starts searching through its contents.

"Hey," She doesn't greet her back, and she knows she's being rude, which really isn't a good start to the whole 'stop being an ass' schtick she was going to try. "You hungry?

"Nope." There's bottles of oil and cooking sake in the cupboard, but no bottles of proper alcohol. "I want alcohol."

"Oh it's, it's up there." She looks up at the cupboard Holly is pointing to and heads straight to it. "But why don't you eat something first?" There's a concern in Holly's voice and just like when the same tone earlier was in Chris' voice earlier, she hates it.

"Yeah ok, if it's got alcohol in it."

"You ok?" She does know where the glasses are kept, and she takes one out of the cupboard next to Holly without even looking at her. If ignoring Holly when she came in was strike one, that was definitely strike two.

"Yeah I'm fine, it's not like I'm the one who got shot." There's a bitterness in her voice, and she knows she needs to just stop and look at Holly and let her make everything better.

"Maybe we shouldn't have left the hospital."

She scoffs, because who the hell wants an emotionally wrecked Gail Peck anywhere near them. "Holly, there's 30 other cops waiting around, there's really no point me being there. No ones looking for my shoulder to cry on."

"Gail..." She necks the drink in her hand, the burn traveling down her throat and settling in her stomach.

"Mmmm," she pulls the glass away from her mouth wincing as the alcohol continues burning in her throat. "You know what though? We could go back as the big GAY distraction. Yeah lets give people something to talk about, I mean now that I've come out to my brother that juicy bit of news is just gonna spread like herpes." She practically spits the last part and she just needs to get away from Holly for a second, before she completely ruins everything, because she's pretty sure that counted as strike three.

She heads towards the stairs, the glass and bottle of Bourbon still in hand. "There's no going back now girlfriend, there is no going back."

Holly doesn't follow her, and she think she might be glad, but like all her thoughts concerning Holly she can't be sure if maybe it's the exact opposite and she _did_ want the brunette to follow her. She flicks on the light in Holly's room and pours herself another drink, throwing her coat and scarf on Holly's bed. There's a faint smell of cinnamon in the air and she breathes it in to try and calm herself down.

Her eyes are itchy from her early crying at the hospital and she downs the freshly poured glass of Bourbon before heading to the bathroom with it, shutting the door behind her. Everything feels out of control, and she misses the simple days of being a rookie, back when all she had to worry about was impressing Oliver.

There's a mirror above the sink and stares at her reflection, she watches herself pour another glass of Bourbon, and studies herself as she starts drinking it. Her hair is longer than it's been in years, possibly since high school and there's so many memories attached to it.

A pair of scissors sits on the side of the sink and she picks them up. If she wanted a blank slate to start building her relationship with Holly from, to restart her life, her hair would be a place to start.

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><p>There's a knock on the door and she hears Holly's muffled voice from the other side. "Gail, how much longer you going to be in there?" She looks down at the ponytail in her hand and then back in the mirror. Maybe she didn't think this through properly. "Hey, please confirm existence."<p>

"I'm coming in." Holly doesn't wait for her to answer, she's already pushing the door open and tentatively moving her head around the corner. Gail looks up and sees Holly's eyes widen slightly as she looks at the hair she's holding in her hand.

"Who cares right? It's only hair"

"So... This is happening."

"Yeah, I mean I saw your scissors and I just thought 'oh, yay, there's something I can just realign', so..." She leaves the sentence unfinished, because what else is there to say, cutting her hair off was the obvious choice as far as she's concerned. The scissors clatter in the sink as she throws them from where she's standing before she sits down on the floor facing Holly.

"You see this inch?" She points at the bottom of the ponytail in her hand, which really, she thinks is quite surreal. "This inch is from the academy. This inch is from the first six months on the job. This inch is from when I was dating Chris." She pauses when she realises what the next inch is, her voice quietening "That part's when Jerry died."

Holly's brow furrows and Gail knows she must be questioning who Jerry is and what he meant to her, but this isn't about Jerry. Or maybe part of it is, with the confused mess of emotions in her head she can't be sure.

"And then, see these last few inches? That's round two with Nicholas." She looks up and sees Holly smiling down at her again, and she's starting realises just how ridiculous an analogy using her own hair is.

"Ok, but honey-" She quickly interrupts Holly, she doesn't doesn't want her to put in perspective just how insane cutting her hair off was.

"No no, look, look, look," She touches around the ends of her hair. "There's literally no bad inches, because I'm just going to go back to the beginning and I'm rewinding everything and I," She lets out a breath as she feels around the back of her head, because really, what the hell has she just done? "Oh my God, what did I do? What I do?"

"You cut off all your hair." She covers her face and lets out a sob, because even though she's been thinking it and waving around her ponytail she didn't actually _think_ about it. Oh God, she'd cut off all her hair.

"Oh my God," The thought is still blaring in her head, she cut off all her hair and she thinks she might have preferred it when all she could think about was shattered glass on the floor. "I'm freaking out a little bit aren't I?"

"Yeah." There's a brief pause and Gail looks up and Holly's smiling face. "You want me to fix it?"

"Do you think you can?" Gail's voice is quiet and she knows neither of them is really speaking about her hair any more.

"Yeah, yeah I think I can."

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><p><strong>AN**: Thank you for reviewing, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy when I see one, especially ones that involve inviting me to LA for tea and biscuits. In answer to a couple of reviews, bad news, I will be following the series and the dreaded 'meet my friends' night will happen (UGH), but I'm planning to show what both Gail and Holly were up to in their time apart (spoiler alert: it involves a batting cage for both of them). Next chapter is this chapter _again_ from Holly's POV, I won't make a habit of writing the same chapter from different POV's, but this one felt like it should be.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**: I'm not harassing for reviews and I _promise_ you won't hear me whine about this again... I spend hours writing and editing these chapters, but it takes literally minutes to review and give me some feedback on them. Did you like it, did you not like it, was there a particular bit that you read and went "that was a bit shit", did you read the whole thing and think "that was all a bit shit", I don't know unless you tell me! The silence on the last chapter leads me to believe it was the later options though, which makes me feel... Sad? I think, or disappointed in myself, I think it might be a mix of both.

I know this isn't the creme de la creme of fanfic, but I had well over a thousand views on the last chapter in the first 24 hours and only one review (thank you FaBbEr0oZ). Since then the views are still going up, but the number of reviews still stands at one, which is a pretty poor ratio. I'm not going to hold out on posting chapters when they're ready, but motivation to actually write future chapters and edit them into something other people can read has definitely taken a kick in the vagina.

Anyway thank you to everyone who's reviewed previously and I'm sorry if the last chapter was a bit shit.

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><p>Holly glances up out the window again, ten minutes after Gail's car appeared it's still sat in front of the house and the blonde was <em>still<em> not making any signs of leaving it. If she hadn't seen the blondes ghostly white features through the windscreen when another car drove past, she would be doubting Gail was even in there.

She pulls the plug from the sink and picks up a towel to start drying the freshly washed dishes. It wasn't even close to being the first time Gail had been in her house, and the blonde had seen the sink with dishes and glasses in plenty of times, but apparently now they were kissing (a lot) her mind had translated that into a needing the house to be clean and spotless for her.

A smile creeps across her face as she starts thinking about Gail, thinking about what had happened between them in the past 24 hours. Going to the station to check on her had been a knee jerk reaction to the combination of some grossly over exaggerated rumours and the fact Gail wasn't answering her phone. The courier being sick was literally the best excuse she could come up with when her head was such a worried mess, and she just _knew_ Gail wasn't going to let her forget about it.

She closes her eyes as she thinks about the kisses that followed afterwards, and she feels a clench of excitement in her stomach at the memory of them.

The sound of another car driving past breaks her trail of thought, and she catches another brief glimpse of Gail doing something with the center console of the car. She looks up at the clock, it's been nearly fifteen minutes, and she thinks that maybe Gail is waiting for _her_ to go outside.

Her thoughts drift back to Gail again and the look on her face when she left the hospital car park, and the worry starts to pool in her stomach again. Even by the blondes standards her moods had been crashing between relaxed and tense at an alarming rate and Holly can't help wondering how long it's going to be before Gail finally burns out and just lets herself go.

The metal sound of the lock turning draws her attention and she realises Gail must have _finally_ decided to come in. She's about to say something about getting lost between the car and her front door when she catches the expression on Gail's face and stops herself. The blonde walks straight past without acknowledging her and she can feel the worry starting to pull at her again.

"Hey," She turns around to find Gail searching through the cupboards for something. "You hungry?"

"Nope," Gail still doesn't look at her, and she's not sure what could have happened to turn her mood around so much again. "I want alcohol."

"Oh it's, it's up there." She points up to the cupboard where she's been keeping a spare bottle of Bourbon and Gail heads straight for it. Whilst they were at the hospital Gail had mentioned only eating a chocolate bar since lunch, and it worries Holly in an almost motherly way that she's about to hit hard liquor, in a questionable mood, on an empty stomach. "But why don't you eat something first?"

"Yeah ok, if it's got alcohol in it." She flinches slightly at the tone in Gail's voice, and she knows she isn't angry at _her_, but it still causes a twinge of hurt inside.

Gail avoids eye contact with her again when pulls a glass out of the cupboard next to her and she can feel the worry starting to settle in her stomach again. "You ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine, it's not like I'm the one who got shot."

"Maybe we shouldn't have left the hospital."

"Holly, there's 30 other cops waiting around, there's really no point me being there." She turns around at Gail's annoyed tone and is finally able to meet her eyes, she can still see a light puffiness around them and wonders if maybe she was crying before she came in. "No ones looking for my shoulder to cry on."

"Gail..." It makes her heart hurt that someone as beautiful and seemingly confident as Gail could think so little of themselves. The blonde interrupts her before she can disagree, humming as she drinks back her first glass of Bourbon.

"You know what though? We could go back as the big GAY distraction." Holly knows she's just venting, so this time she doesn't try to interrupt her. "Yeah lets give people something to talk about, I mean now that I've come out to my brother that juicy bit of news is just gonna spread like herpes."

She's already walking away from her towards the stairs before she can reply, or try to convince her how unlikely it would be that her brother would chose _now,_ when two of their friends were potentially dying, to start outing her to everyone.

"There's no going back now girlfriend, there is no going back." Every instinct tells her to follow Gail upstairs and not let her spiral into whatever it is she's spiraling into, but another more logical part of her knows what Gail is like and _knows_ if there's one thing Gail Peck sometimes needs, it's space.

* * *

><p>"Gail, how much longer you going to be in there?" It had been half an hour since she heard the bathroom door close and apart from the music playing through the floorboards, she hadn't heard any movement from the blonde. She had stood at the bottom of the stairs for at least ten of those minutes picking at her nails and trying to decipher the complex equation of how long to leave her alone before checking on her.<p>

There's still no answer and Holly could feel the worry starting to gnaw at her again. "Hey, please confirm existence."

"I'm coming in." She opens the door and pokes her head around the door slowly and it feels like the floor has just disappeared from underneath her feet when she spots Gail standing over the sink with her ponytail in her hand. Her ponytail, that half and hour ago had been very much attached to the back on her head.

"Who cares right? It's only hair." It's flippant and Holly wonders if Gail has actually processed what she's done_._

"So, this is happening."

"Yeah, I mean I saw your scissors and I just thought 'oh, yay, there's something I can just realign', so..." Gail throws the scissors in the sink and slides down to the floor against the dresser to face her.

"You see this inch? This inch is from the academy, you know?" Gail's pointing at part of the ponytail and Holly just nods her head, because really she's not sure where Gail is going with this, but she's sure it's not going to explain why she's decided to cut off her hair. "This inch is from the first six months on the job. This inch is from when I was dating Chris."

She pauses and starts stroking a part of the hair. "That parts when Jerry died." Holly feels her brow furrow and she tries to think back to all the conversations they'd had, tries to remember who Jerry was and why him dying would make him part of Gail's symbolic memory ponytail. She doesn't think Gail has ever mentioned him, and she knows tonight isn't the right time to ask.

"And then, see these last few inches? That's round two with Nicholas." She smiles again then, because even in the midst of what might be some form of breakdown, she's still just so _Gail_ about the whole thing.

"Ok, but honey." Holly squats down next to the blonde and she knows she needs to phrase 'you didn't need to cut off all your hair' carefully, but Gail interrupts her.

"No no, look, look, look, there's literally no bad inches, because I'm just going to go back to the beginning and I'm rewinding everything and I" She lets out a sharp breath and starts feeling around the ends of her hair. Holly thinks she can literally see the realisation dawning in Gail's eyes that she had just cut most her hair off. "Oh my God, what did I do? What I do?"

And really there's no way to phrase it that's not going to freak Gail out. "You cut off all your hair."

"Oh my God," Both Gail's hands cover her face as she stifles a sob. "I'm freaking out a little bit aren't I?" Holly knows she shouldn't find the situation funny, but really, who else other than Gail Peck and Britney Spears was going to take a break from sanity and cut off their hair.

"Yeah." She looks down at Gail's face and smiles, because yeah, she is defiantly freaking out. This girl in front of her is absolutely still as insane as she was when they first met, and it's one of the reasons she loves her, but there's only so far love can go, and it definitely didn't cover the blondes new haircut. "You want me to fix it?"

Holly didn't mean for the statement to hold so much meaning, but it's what she wants if the blonde will let her. She wants to help fix everything that feels like it's going wrong for Gail, she wants her to be happy.

"You think you can?" Gail's eyes are wide when they look up at her and she can see she's taken the double meaning to her words.

"Yeah, yeah I think I can."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: The next chapter will cover the shower scene and beyond, but there won't be any smut yet (I felt like I should just pre-warn). This chapter was pretty much written, which is why I posted it, but after how hard the last chapter bombed I'm going to take a week or two break from the site before finishing the next one. See you on the other side.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**: Thank you. That's the main thing I have to say, thank you. The support for the last chapter was incredible, I logged on to my email for the first time since posting the chapter on Wednesday whilst on the train and almost started happy ugly crying (thank you monthly burst of excessive female hormones). It's a character flaw I have where I often assume people think the worst of me, so I thought the silence meant 'it was terrible', when it actually meant the opposite. Honestly, I'm not looking for hundreds of reviews per chapter, just some feedback on whether it was good or not so good (and don't feel like you can't say if it wasn't so good, if you're nervous about putting publicly, just drop me a PM). So thank you again :)

Also in a strange turn of real life events... I'm ill (_again_, God bless public transport and all its germs) and toast girls sister made me toast...

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><p>"Mmmm, life." The room had been silent ever since Holly had physically maneuvered her into the bath tub and helped her sit down. Apparently whilst wielding her ponytail in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other she'd still managed to drink most of the Bourbon and even standing up from here position on the floor had taken three attempts.<p>

"I know right, who needs it?" Holly's eyes stay fixed on the hair she's cutting, and Gail's glad, because there's not much left for any mistakes.

"I mean you can plan, plan and prepare it doesn't really matter, because things just go where ever they go."

"Yep, sort of like this cowlick."

"I'm sitting in a bath tub, waiting to hear if my friends are still alive." She frowns slightly, because her phone had been silent since getting to Holly's and it worried her that maybe she was at the bottom of the list of people to call if something had gone wrong. "Drinking Bourbon with the coolest chick ever." She looks up at Holly and watches a grin spread across her face, and it hits her again just how beautiful the other woman is. "And I have no hair."

"Not exactly a fairy tale."

"No."

"Hmm still kinda beautiful though." Holly's hand comes up and gently cups her chin, her thumb brushing across her skin lightly and she knows it's only a precursor to what's about to happen.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah." Holly slides into the tub and sits in front of her, and she's trying to figure out at what point in time the sight of Holly's lips became so intoxicating. She's only subconsciously aware of the brunettes thumbs stroking her cheeks as she leans in and finally feels her lips against hers.

It's light, and gentle, and just everything she needs right now and she keeps her eyes closed when Holly pulls back.

"Come on lets wash this mess down the drain." She's not entirely sure what she means, but it doesn't matter, because she's being pulled upright and they're kissing again, and she can't get over how good it feels knowing there's no one about to walk in and interrupt them. It's just her and Holly and all the time in the world.

She's desperately trying to deepen the kiss, to feel more of Holly when the brunette pulls away and bends to to reach for something behind her. "What are you doing?"

The sounds of creaking in the pipes behind her is the only warning she gets before a sudden burst of cold water is rushing over her head. "Oh!" Holly's hands are gripping onto her waist pushing her further under the stream. "Oh my God it's freezing!"

The brunettes lips are suddenly covering hers again in short kisses and she's not sure if it's the kissing or the freezing water that's causing the shivers to run up her spine. It seems to take forever for the creaking pipes to settle and the water to start warming, but just as it reaches a temperature that isn't turning her body numb Holly's pulling away and flicking her hair off her face.

Holly hesitates when Gail tries to pull her back into the kiss, "You ok?"

"Yeah, my glasses are covered in water, I can't see anything."

"Well who's idea was it to 'wash this mess down the drain'?" She pushes forwards again, kissing Holly as the water continues streaming over their heads and it's Holly who pulls back again, removing her glasses and hooking them on the shower rail.

"I was trying to be poetic!"

"Yeah well good job _Shakespeare_, you want to try doing that without effects next time?" She's smiling at Holly again and everything in her feels relaxed again.

"You live, you learn, can we get out now?" Holly's pouting at her and she wants to say 'no, I just want you to kiss me', but the weight of water in her clothes is actually becoming ridiculous and she's not sure how she's going to peel her jeans off, so she relents and nods her head.

As soon as she steps out of the bath she regrets it, because it feels like the temperature outside their shower cocoon is freezing and the warm water trapped in her clothes is quickly cooling.

"I'll grab you towel." Holly walks out the bathroom leaving the door open behind her and a breeze comes through making her shiver even more. The ponytail in the sink catches her attention and she has to waddle over to it in her wet jeans to pick it up. She'll miss it she thinks, it was nice having long hair and oh God, it hit her again, she just cut off all her hair and it's too late to go back.

The bottle of Bourbon is no where to be seen, nor the scissors, and she realises Holly must have taken them with her in case she decided to have another freak out session. She's not sure what to do with it, so she opens one of the draws of the dresser at the side of the room and stashes it in there. Maybe there's a ritual for disposing of a ponytail cut off during an emotional outburst, but she has no idea, so she'll let Holly find and deal with.

The socks need to come off first she decides, but the actual task of removing them is more complicated than she anticipates. She reaches out for the side of the bath as she stumbles towards it on one leg, and she wishes she'd known what was going to happen, because she would have stayed slightly more sober to make the task of removing the wet clothes easier.

When she almost falls back into the bath a second time she decides to just sit on the floor to try and remove them, because she's done enough damage to her head with a rogue pair of scissors and the last thing she needs is to go back to the hospital she'd just come from for stitches. It's where Holly finds her a couple of minutes later. She's managed to remove both socks, but the jeans are sticking to her half way down her thighs and she's not sure if it's the Bourbon catching up with her again or a delayed reaction to Holly's kisses, but her hands don't feel like they're working properly.

Holly had already changed into some check pyjama bottoms and a black tank top, and her breath catches in her throat when she notices there's no bra under the brunettes top. She's smiling down at her in the same way she did when she found her with her ponytail cut off and she realises how much of a mess she looks right now with her wet top still on and her jeans half way down her legs.

"Do you want some help?" She nods, and the brunette moves to where she's sitting and kneels in front of her, helping unpeel the wet material down her legs, having to stand up and tug them off when they get below her knees. "You know, this isn't half as sexy as I imagined it would be."

Gail cocks her eyebrow, "Been imagining taking off my pants a lot then?"

"Yep." Holly leans over her again and kisses her quickly.

She just sits there, dumbstruck, as the brunette stands up and walks out the bathroom. The thoughts of what Holly just implied sends a shiver straight down her spine, because they naturally lead to thoughts of what Holly might have been _doing_ whilst imagining it. She's not prepared for the sudden onslaught of mental images of Holly naked in her own bed gasping out her name.

"One top and one pair of pyjamas." She jumps when the material hits her on the head. "Are you actually going to take your top off? Because you're dripping wet and it's getting all over my floor."

Holly looks at her innocently, but she knows the brunette knew exactly what her words could have been misconstrued as. "Well you're the one who got me wet."

"It's a talent, hurry up I'll be in the bedroom." She waggles her eyebrows at her, and she thinks this might be the worst or possibly the best seduction she's ever been subject to. "Some of us still have enough hair to warrant using a hair dryer." She's out the door before the wet jeans she threw can hit her and she can hear her laughing down the hallway.

"Yeah, laugh it up, some of us are still very upset about it!"

There's a muffled shout of 'whatever' from the bedroom and Gail smiles, because at least taking so long to dry her hair won't be a problem any more.

* * *

><p>Gail finishes changing and towel dries her hair before going to find Holly in her bedroom. She still has the hair dryer running over her hair and she's not sure if she's still actually drying her hair or just using it to get warm again. She looks around the room for something to do whilst she waits for the brunette and spots three picture frames on the dresser.<p>

The first frame she picks up has Holly in the center with who she assumes are her parents on either side. She's not sure where they are, but it's a recent one and both Holly and her dad have the same half smile. The second frame is of a younger Holly and Gail is amazed at how _skinny_ the brunette was, judging from the people in the background she guesses it must have been taken in college and again Holly is at the center, but this time surrounded by four other girls. She knows it's unreasonable, but a sting of jealousy twinges in her when she sees how pretty they all are.

The final picture she picks up almost makes her cry, and she _hopes _that it's just the Bourbon getting to her. It's her and Holly. She recognises the photo from the night Holly took her to the batting cages, and she still has the helmet on in the picture with the bat resting across her back. Holly is slightly in front of her, and it gets her again that she can just look so _beautiful_ without even trying.

She's only slightly aware of the sound of the hair dryer ending as she reminisces over their night at the batting cage. She had been feeling overtly emotional that night too, and the brunette had just _known_ what to do to make it better. The picture was the first they had taken together and she wonders how long it had been in Holly's room.

Holly's arms wrap around her waist from behind and she leans back into her, placing the photo back on the dresser and reveling in the warmth where their bodies meet.

"You have a photo of me in your room."

"Hmmm, yeah, it's still my favourite one of us."

The kisses on her shoulder are soft at first, like they are barely even there, but Gail can feel Holly's breath spilling across her skin each time her lips lightly connect.

"I want you," she doesn't really know why she said it or honestly what it is she wants to do to Holly, but the desperation to just feel Holly against her, to just do _something_ is overwhelming.

"Then take me," and her knees almost buckle then, because that might have been one of the hottest things she's ever heard.

Holly spins her around and she moans as their lips come together again, it's hard and it's sloppy, but she doesn't remember kissing ever feeling this_ good_ before. The edge of the bed meets the back of her knees as Holly pushes her backwards and she falls onto it, bouncing slightly when her body meets the mattress. The brunette is on her in an instant, their kisses losing none of their intensity.

She's not sure when Holly managed to take her top off, but she can feel her nipples stiffening in the cool air of the bedroom. A moan rises from deep in her throat as Holly starts dropping kisses down her neck, nipping lightly at the sensitive flesh, and it's just too good.

It's when Holly's fingers start skirting the edge of her pyjama bottoms that she freezes, because oh God, they're going to have sex and it's suddenly all too much. Even though Holly's lips are back on hers and she's still kissing her the brunette must sense there's something wrong and she pulls back with worry creasing her brow as she looks down at her.

"Are you ok?" At first she nods, but then shakes her head, because no she's not ok, she's a little closer to drunk than sober and she wants to remember everything about Holly, and not regret it when they wake up in the morning.

"I'm sorry, I'm just not-" Holly interrupts her before she has the chance to possibly embarrass herself, she can already feel a flush on her face that's not from the intimacy they were just sharing.

"Hey, how many times do I have to tell you? You don't need to apologise for things like this Gail. You're ready when you're ready, it's ok to not be." She drops a light kiss to her forehead and in one fluid motion rolls off the bed into a standing position, her eyes darting about the floor of the room. "Erm, I think your top is, it's somewhere on the floor." Holly's eye scour the room until she turns to face Gail again and she freezes. She almost laughs, because the brunettes mouth drops open in an O shape and Gail can almost see the cogs ticking in her brain as Holly takes in the sight of her bare breasts properly.

Holly's eyes remain glued to her chest as she sits on the side of the next to her, and it's a strange sense of pride that wells up in her when she realises the brunette literally had to sit down because of the sight of her half naked. She knows it's wrong, and really she shouldn't be so hot and cold with Holly about something like this, but she can't help pulling the brunette into another kiss.

It's not as intense as it was, but she can still feel the burn of passion and she pulls on Holly's shoulders until her body is resting over her again. Holly keeps her hands well above the waistband of her pyjamas not once dipping below her waist, instead her fingers start tracing circles on her side and Gail's not sure if it's for her benefit or just to keep her hands busy.

Their lips move slowly against each other and every so often the brunette pulls her bottom lip between her own to nip it gently. It's _nice_, and she's sure there's a better word for it, but it just feels nice to be kissing someone just for the sake of kissing them, without it being a precursor to something more. It's also nice that even though she's topless and Holly fingers are causing pulses of pleasure to shoot straight down to her stomach, it doesn't feel like there's any expectation or pressure from the brunette to go any further.

She's not sure how long they stay like that, but the kisses start to naturally slow until Holly's just resting her forehead against hers as they both try to catch their breath. There's a tingling in her lips, and she imagines how red they must be from being pressed against Holly's for so long.

"I'm going to find your top or a top, because-" There's an audible swallow and Gail's relieved she's not the only one who's nervous. "Because I, ah, it's very distracting when you don't have one on."

"Hmmm, that's probably a good idea, then we can try kissing again, because I think we're good at that."

"Yeah, definitely more kissing." Gail watches her from the bed again as she searches the room, "Seriously, where is your top? And where are my glasses?"

"You left them in the bathroom Velma."

"Right, glasses, then top, then lots more kissing, so hold tight." Holly leaves the room without looking at her, but she still catches the blush that's settled on her cheeks and the strange feeling of pride she felt earlier whirls through her again.

There were two things she'd learnt in the past couple hours and she feels like both of them were equally as important. One was that she should never be left alone when drunk and emotional with a pair of scissors, and two was that kissing Holly Stewart left her with the most blissful feeling she had ever felt.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Personally I don't think Holly and Gail slept together that night, I think everything was still a bit to 'raw' for Gail and if she hadn't of stopped it Holly would have before it got too far. Give it three to four chapters though, depending on where I put the splits, and I'm sure neither of them will want to stop ;)

On the subject of future chapters, I've been thinking about how close I'm going to keep this to the original story line. I'm definitely having the 'break-up', but I _really_ didn't like the ending, so currently (even though it's a long way off yet!) I'm thinking about either playing down the adoption part or maybe cutting it altogether?

Next chapter might be a little late, it has a general outline and most the dialogue, but there's still a lot of notes to turn into actual story. Normally I try and get the current chapter finished and the next chapter half finished in a week, but I crammed the second half and the editing of this one into today and yesterday (after not writing for six days) so I could say thank you!


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N**: Real life continues to be strange. The other week toast girls sister made me toast. Then last week I ended up spending most of one of my lunch breaks talking to toast girls mum... I know her estranged dad lives somewhere in London, so £10 says I end up feeding ducks and geese with him this week... Ugh it's very difficult to get over someone when their relatives keep turning up!

Pssst, thank you for the follows/favs/reviews (o)(o)

* * *

><p>The first conscious thought Holly has is that everything around her feels warm. The second is that Gail Peck has very blue and very beautiful eyes.<p>

"Are you watching me sleep?" The blondes head almost slips off the hand propping it up at the sound of her groggy voice, her eyes locking with Holly's.

"What, no, that's not," She smiles at Gail as her eyes dart away from hers and start looking anywhere but her. "That's not what I was doing."

There's a light blush on Gail's cheeks and her lips pouting slighting. Holly thinks it could be one of the most adorable things she's ever seen. "It is! Oh God, Gail Peck likes to watch people sleep."

"Shut up!" She's laughing lightly and the blonde rolls over onto her back covering her face with the blanket. She takes up Gail's previous position, resting her elbow on the soft pillow to hold her head up and tries pulling the blanket down, but the blonde just tightens her grip on it.

"Oh come on honey don't be like that, it's ok." Gail pulls the blanket down to rest just below her eyes. "Did you think I looked adorable? How long were you watching? Did you even sleep or were you to entranced by my beauty?"

The blonde scowls at her and pulls the blanket off her face completely. "You know, we could just break up now."

Pushing her body up with her hands she rolls on top of Gail, the blondes hands coming up to rest on her sides. "Mhhhhmm, whilst you're here," she leans down and lightly kisses her. "In my bed," this time she deepens the kiss, letting Gails lips move against hers for a few moments before pulling back. "With terrible morning breath?"

"Exactly," Gail lifts her head and pulls her own back down into another kiss, and she thinks this is something she could get used to, waking up next to Gail, letting her kiss her whenever she wants. The blonde lets her head fall back onto the pillow. "But I wouldn't want to deprive you of me."

"Oh no, that would be terrible." She leans down again and lets her body settle fully on top of the blonde, she can feel Gail's fingers starting to skate down her back and she's just about to start kissing down Gail's neck when the blondes stomach lets out a rumble.

"Nerdy feed me." Gail pulls back and a sound of discontent spills from her lips.

"I'm not your maid _Officer_." She's about to lean in and kiss her again, but Gail furrows her brow at her.

"That's a lame nickname."

"So's Nerdy." Gail quirks her head to the side and makes a sound of agreement.

"Fine, Velma feed me." She's smiling up at her again, and Holly's not sure why they're wasting time talking when they could be kissing instead.

"I'm not your maid Caspar." Gail rolls her eyes, and she thinks that maybe she's been given that nickname before.

"My darling, sweet, beautiful, girlfriend, please nourish me." A smile spreads out across her face at the word 'girlfriend' and the giddy sensation in her stomach makes her think that maybe she's regressed back to being a ten year old school girl who's being called someones girlfriend for the first time. The blonde has a pout on her face again and she's sure Gail doesn't realise quite how _profound_ it feels for her to have made the move to calling her girlfriend first.

"Girlfriend huh?"

"Mmmm yeah."

"I don't get a say?" She lowers her voice and starts to lean in closer again.

"Not at all." There's barely a hair width between their lips touching when Gail's stomach rumbles again. "Hooollllllly, feed me."

"Mmmmm," She ignores the blonde and starts kissing down the blondes neck instead, moaning at the taste of her skin. "In a minute, I'm busy."

Holly feels Gail's hands come to rest on her waist, and she's about to take one of them and pull it round her back again when the blonde pushes her. She lets out a squeal of surprise as the bed disappears and she finds her self sat on the floor with Gail leaning over the edge of the bed smiling at her.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I got a bit over excited, are you ok? Whilst you're up you might as well make me food."

* * *

><p>If someone had told her when she woke up yesterday that she would be confessing her feelings to Gail, spending most her evening kissing Gail and then spending the night sleeping next her, she probably would have nervously laughed in their face. Then she probably would have then gone to find a quiet corner to sit and fantasise about that exact scenario.<p>

Ever since meeting the blonde she had let her mind toy with the idea of them being together, harmless fantasies would play out in her head, but none of them had come close to what had actually happened. She would dream up scenarios where they would get drunk and just spill their feelings for each other, scenarios where she would save Gail's life from some ever changing threat and end up having impassioned sex on her lab table. She even re-imagined nights they had spent together, to the point that she struggled to remember what actually happened at the wedding Gail invited her to and what she had imagined happening.

Holly has to lean her hands against the counter when her thoughts drift to what actually did happen the previous day, to what happened last night on her bed. The mere fact it was a reality and not a fantasy causes her body to shiver. The feel of Gail subtly arching against her when she kissed down her neck, the sight of her topless and breathless on her bed and the taste of her lips against hers all rush through her mind. A warmth spreads through her and she can feel it pooling together in the pit of her stomach. None of the fantasies she'd had felt as _good_ as just kissing Gail felt, even the ones that ended with her pushing her hand inside her own underwear. She starts replaying the events again, trying to remember each minute detail and a blush of embarrassment covers her cheeks when she remembers turning into a 14 year old boy at the sight of Gail topless when all she could hear in head on repeat was '_Gail's breasts, Gail's breasts, Gail's breasts_'.

"Mmmm this is good coffee." Gail's voice causes her to jump and her eyes widen as she tries to figure out if a moan slipped out whilst she was reliving the previous evening in her head. She quickly picks up the spatula next to the pan of scrambled eggs she was meant to be watching and moves them around, relieved they hadn't burnt whilst she was daydreaming.

"There's some aspirin on the side." The blonde makes a grunt of acknowledgement, but she doesn't turn to see if she's found them, she can still feel the flush on her cheeks and she knows Gail isn't so bleary eyes that she won't notice it.

The room falls into silence and she continues making breakfast, buttering the toast ready for the eggs that continue to slowly cook. There's a faint sound of clicking behind her and she realises Gail must be reading through the messages on her phone.

"There's a voice mail from Steve." She's just finished sliding the eggs onto the plate when Gail speaks and she instantly feels the anxiety whirling in her stomach at the blondes words. One look into Gail's eyes tells her she's feeling the same thing. The blonde makes no move to start listening to the mail, so Holly walks to stand opposite her, placing the plates on the counter next to them.

"Do you want me to listen to it?" She can see the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes and she knows it's selfish, but part of her wishes Gail hadn't checked her phone. The dark cloud of what happened yesterday, that they had been ignoring since waking up, feels like they're rolling in again and she can't help raising her hand to brush through the now short locks of Gail's hair.

"No," She lowers her head so she's looking down at her lap and takes a shaky breath. "I think it's something I need to hear."

Holly takes a seat on the stool next to her and takes Gail's empty hand in hers, the other holding the phone against her ear.

"Oliver's being discharged today, erm, both Chloe and Sam are awake." There's a smile starting to tug at the corners of her mouth and Holly feels the tension leaving her body. "Apparently Chloe had a rough night, but she's stabilised again, Traci makes nice waffles and I need to be at work tomorrow." The last part of the sentence is followed by a groan and Holly smiles at her. Part of her wants to keep Gail all to herself for the day, but she knows, despite how much Gail would probably protest it to her if she asked, they weren't just colleagues to the blonde they were family.

"Do you want to grab a shower and I'll find some clothes out for you? I can drop you at the hospital to see Oliver before he leaves."

"No, Celery is going to be there with him," She looks down at her lap again. "Could I stay here with you today?" Gail looks up and there's a vulnerability swimming in her eyes, it's the same look Holly had seen at the hospital and she realises just how heavy the shadow hanging over the blonde still is. She hasn't responded and she thinks Gail must have taken it the wrong way as she rushes out another sentence. "If you're not busy."

Her hand moves to Gail's hair playing with the short strands, brushing it with her fingers and the blonde closes her eyes. "I need to go shopping, then we can come back here and watch a movie if you want? There's a Thai delivery place round the corner if you want to stay for dinner as well?"

Gail doesn't answer her verbally, instead it's a watery smile and a nod, and Holly realises this is one thing that was never in any of her daydreams. In all the different circumstances she imagined them being together, she never once dreamt that the blonde would let her guard down so much, that she would ever be allowed to see her so vulnerable.

* * *

><p>"So, this is remarkably domestic of us."<p>

"Hmmm?" Holly picks up a pack of seeded rolls and throws them in the trolley, only paying partial attention to the blonde.

"I don't like seeded bread."

"Good thing it's for me and not you then." Holly lightly bumps her shoulder into her and smiles as she walks on ahead, hearing Gail call out from behind her about domestic violence and assault. She looks down the list and then back to where Gail was still standing. "Babe can you grab some baking soda."

"I'm sorry, _babe_?"

"Yeah I'm trying out new pet names." Gail drops the small tub in the trolley, walking along side her again.

"Well on the subject of pets and how domestic we've apparently become, can we get a puppy _babe_?"

"Why do I need a puppy when I've got you?" She bumps her shoulder into the blonde again and she careers off into the next aisle, holding her arm in mock pain.

Holly finds her again at the end of shelves, and the blonde dumps a pack of muffins in the trolley.

"So, I was thinking..." Gail trails off and she stops walking, worry starting to twist in her gut.

"This doesn't sound good."

"What? No it's not, it's not bad, I'm just," Gail starts making hand gestures like she's trying to physically show her what she means. "I think we should go on a date, like a date date, not just us hanging out together."

"Oh." It surprises her that it's Gail who asked first, just like it was Gail who labelled her as her girlfriend first. She's also sure as the more experienced 'lesbian' of the pair it should probably be her making these first moves.

"Yeah, it was a stupid idea, forget it." Gail's already turned from her and started striding away down the aisle towards the exit before she jolts into action. She realises her delay in answering has sent Gail off in complete the wrong direction, because really how could she not want to go on a date with the blonde, and she has to abandon the trolley to catch up with her.

"Hey, Gail, wait." She grabs her wrist and is grateful that the blonde stops and doesn't try pulling herself away. Her eyes remain downcast and she thinks there might be a trace of tears in the corner of her eyes. It reminds her again that despite the blondes attempts to hide it her world is still completely off kilter thanks to the previous days events. Holly thinks it might be a new habit she's developing when she raises her hand and plays with the roughly cut hair at the side of Gail's face until she finally lifts her eyes and looks at her. "I would love to go on a date with you."

It's a look of pure joy on Gail's face then, and she takes in every inch of it, from the sparkle in her eyes to the small dimples that appear on the sides of her cheeks when she smiles. She thinks that Gail Peck has probably ruined her for life, and really she couldn't be more happy about it.

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><p><strong>AN**: Sorry, this chapter was a bit late, I got distracted and wrote a light, fluffy, happy one shot called Cold Sheets (that's a lie it's not happy at all).

Also, just an FYI, I make great scrambled eggs. That's two things you can rely on from a relationship with me, great sex and great eggs. I might join Tinder and use that...


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Ugh, this isn't the original 'next chapter', there was a whole chapter of Holly and Gail just hanging out in the apartment, but nothing actually happened... It read fine and there was nothing _wrong_ with it per se, but the story didn't progress anywhere! So I cut it :( I might post it as an extra or something when I've finished.

Also, funny story, remember that cold I had the other week? Well it never really went away and now I've got pneumonia! Just in time for Christmas... As you can imagine I've been feeling a bit shite, so I haven't really been in the mood for writing much. I was on some silly sized antibiotics though, which despite being ridiculously awkward to swallow, have definitely started making it easier to breathe and function as a human being again! Hopefully in the new year I can get back to doing weekly chapters.

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><p>It's silly, and if it was anyone else Gail would be the first to call them something starting with the word stupid, because there's been <em>less<em> people in the precinct before, so it can't possibly sound quieter because three people are on medical leave. But it is. She can still hear sirens and there's still people talking as she walks down the halls, but it feels like the volume in the whole building has been turned down.

The locker room is the same, it's like the building knows something happened, and she's just about ready to ask Frank to let her see the councilor again, because she's pretty sure this is the beginning of insanity. Gail throws her bag onto the bench and watches Andy jump at the sound of it, because she refuses to use her voice when scaring someone with a loud noise will get their attention all the same.

The brunette waves at her distractedly and mutters out a quick hello before continuing to rummage through her locker. Gail doesn't move, instead she waits for a few moments before Andy's head snaps back up. "Your hair!"

"Do you take this long to notice things at crime scenes?" Whatever the brunette was looking for lies forgotten as she walks over and raises her hand to touch the front of her fringe.

"Wha-" Gail lightly slaps hands away as she smiles up at her. "It looks good."

She makes a sound of agreement and picks up her bag, opening it to empty the clean clothes into her locker. "What are you doing in today anyway, shouldn't you be off making McSwarek babies with Swarek?"

"What? Me and Sam aren't-"

"How is he?" She cuts the brunette off and she almost wishes she hadn't asked the question, she knows Andy's trying to hide it, but she spots the slight tremble in her lower lip before she starts talking again.

"Bad, but they said he made it through the worst part, now he just needs to lay around for a few weeks and you know Sam, never likes to stand still let alone lay still." The smile that Andy flashes at her doesn't quite make it up to her eyes, and even though she quickly diverts them away, she still catches the light shine of tears in them. "What about you? I heard about you and Holly Stewart, is it true?"

"Yep."

"Is that all I'm getting?"

"Yep."

"Has it been going on long?" She thinks about the question.

"Nope." Trying to explain that yes it had been going on a long time, but not actually going on, wasn't a conversation she wanted to have without a cup of coffee, or another half bottle of Bourbon. She knows it only _really_ started two days ago, so no it hasn't been going on long. On the other hand, if she was being truthful, the realisation that she liked Holly had been building since the 'kiss' at the wedding, so yes it had been going on a long time.

They change in silence together and it gets Gail, in a way that she would never admit, that Andy changes in front of her in the same way she did before she knew about Holly. She thinks about saying something before they leave towards the break room for coffee, she doesn't though, she knows herself well enough to know the thank you would be lost somewhere in a string of sarcasm.

They're about to walk through the break door when Andy grabs her and pushes her against the wall.

"The others are in there, do you want me to grab you a coffee?"

"Or you could just let me through the door to get my own coffee?"

"Yeah, sure, I just, I didn't know if you wanted to, _engage_ with everyone today." The look on Andy's face is one of pure sincerity, but there isn't really a day when she _does _want to engage with everyone so early.

"Andy, thank you for taking it upon yourself to be my own little personal God fairy, but I'm perfectly fine."

"Really? You just look a bit upset."

"It's before eight o'clock, I always look upset at this time, especially when there's someone holding me against a wall so close to the coffee."

Gail watches as Andy processes the information and she finally lets go of her, brushing the imaginary dirt off her arms. "Right, yeah that's true, you can go get the coffee now."

"Gail, you cut your hair." She hadn't even technically made it through the door when Nick calls out to her prompting everyone in the room to turn around to look at her. She thinks maybe sending Andy in to get the coffee would have been the better option.

"Yeah, I saw a picture of Ellen DeGeneres and thought, hey why not." She tries to sound as bored as possible, because she just _knows_ everyone is making their own private judgment about what the short hair means, when truthfully it just means she drank too much.

"Got a bit drunk and emotional?" Nick's smiling up at her, and she wishes she had anything but a ceramic cup in her hand to throw at him.

"Shut up Nicholas." She feels the side of the coffee pot and quickly pours the still warm liquid into her cup.

It's Chris who speaks next, she hadn't even realised he was in the room, but it takes her back when she sees how tired he looks. "Well I like it, it's like you had it at the academy."

Gail's about to respond to him, maybe berate him about not sleeping when Traci interrupts from the corridor. "What is? Oh wow, Gail, rocking the new look."

She stares at her for a few moments, and she wonders if she's about to ask about Holly, but she turns away and addresses the whole room instead. "We've got an ops meeting in five minutes guys." The room fills with grumbles and Traci raises her arms in surrender. "I know, I know, but the sooner you get in there, the sooner we can all leave."

It only takes a couple of minutes for everyone to file out the room and she waits until it's just her and Andy left before topping up her coffee again. "See nothing to worry about."

"I wasn't, I wasn't worried." And she wasn't, not really, she just didn't _want_ to talk about Holly in front of twenty people.

"Yeah sure," She starts when Andy's hand reaches out to grab her arm. "Look no one cares Gail, and if they do, tell us and we'll," She pauses and pulls her face into an entirely Andy like grimace. "I don't know, kill them or something."

"I'm already filled with confidence." The brunette rolls her eyes and starts walking towards the exit.

The feel of her phone vibrating in her pocket stops her from following, she's about to hit 'End Call' before noticing Holly's caller ID. "I'll catch up in a sec." She waves the phone in Andy's direction before pushing it against her ear.

"Hi."

"Hey, I've just got the shifts through for next week, I'm off from Friday afternoon for the weekend, think you can swing it?" Gail lets out a sigh, because Friday afternoon, then a whole weekend with Holly is something that can't come quick enough.

"Maybe, they haven't released them here yet, I'll give you a call later when they let me know."

"How is it over there anyway, everything ok?"

"It's quiet. They all noticed my hair, I think they're all taking it as confirmation that I'm shaking up with you." There's a light laugh from the other end of the phone, and it makes her feel an odd pride to know she's the cause of it.

"I think I need to take some of the blame for it really."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I should have explained the whole short hair thing, isn't a mandatory requirement." Holly's laughter bubbles up from down the phone again and she can't help smiling at the sound of it.

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><p>Gail pushes the door to the house open. Dov's car had been sat on the drive again, meaning he was either home now or had been home whilst she'd been at work.<p>

"Dov! Hey gerbil are you here?" There's no reply, and she figures he must be spending the night at the hospital again. She wonders when they'll finally kick him out properly and make him spend the night away from Chloe. She also wonders how long she can put them off, because listening to Dov drag on all night about his rights as her partner and how not being allowed to stay with Chloe was violating them would be enough for her to put him in hospital.

Gail flicks the lights to her room on a throws the bag of washing to the bottom of her bed. The subtle vibration in her pocket reminding her that Holly had called whilst she was driving home and she perches on the edge of the bed before hitting redial.

The phone connects after the third ring and the first thing Gail hears is Holly's heavy breathing. She can't even stutter out a 'Hello', with every exhale there's a light groan and she can already feel a warmth pooling between her legs.

"Ho- Holly?"

"Gail?" It comes out on what sounds like a moan and she has to grasp at the blanket underneath her to stop her hand from flicking open the button of her jeans.

"Holly, what are you doing?" Her voice rushes out and she's pretty sure it's gone up a couple of octaves.

"Sorry," There's a whirling noise in the background and another loud groan from the brunette. It's too much for her then, she lets go of the blanket and manipulates the fastening of her jeans, pushing her hand underneath both layers. "I'm on the treadmill at the gym, I don't like running in the snow, what's up?"

Her hand freezes.

"I thought you were-" She cuts herself off, because there's no way she's admitting to Holly that she thought she had answered the phone whilst getting herself off and that she was about to start doing same.

"You thought I was what?" There's a pause and she tries to think of an excuse, but the cloud of lust from listening to Holly groaning makes it impossible. "Oh!" It's a sound of recognition and she wishes she'd never even called to begin with. "You thought I was... "

"Yeah well, you were very gaspy, what did you expect me to think?"

"What would you have done if I was?" She suddenly becomes very aware that her hand is still resting against the warm skin underneath her jeans and she can't help her mind flashing to what Holly would look like with her hands down her own jeans, laying back on her bed...

"I er," She can hear Holly laughing on the other end of the phone and feels her face flush in embarrassment. "I can do next Friday."

She can still hear the laughter in her voice when she answers. "Great, I'll pick you up at six."

"Great, I'm going to go, I've got some stuff I need to do."

"Yeah, I can imagine." The tone of Holly's voice sounds like it's dropped and she can still hear her slightly laboured breathing.

"Right, I, I'll speak to you tomorrow yeah?"

"Of course, have a good evening Gail."

"Yeah, enjoy your indoor running." She almost slams the phone into the side of her head when she hangs up, because 'enjoy your indoor running' has to be a new low she's fallen to in her inability to act like a functional human being around Holly.

She flops back onto the bed and lets out an involuntary gasp when the pads of her fingers accidentally drag across the now wet sensitive flesh underneath her jeans, her hand still buried beneath the fabric. It comes back to her again then, the sound of Holly groaning down the phone at her, the heavy panting and she can't help the swirling motion her fingers begin making. Her eyes close as she starts to build a rhythm, jolts of pleasure starting to pulse through her as the sound of her own soft groaning and heavy breathing fills the silence of the room.

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><p><strong>AN:** Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it, enjoy the holidays to those that don't! Remember to stay safe, avoid unhelpful relatives and drink plenty of water before going to bed if you've been on the ol' mulled wine all day.

I'll be back in the new year, hopefully with clearer lungs and new chapters :)


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